Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Are my feet made of real feet?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
