I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Randomize
