Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
