Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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