i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
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