tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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