ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
