I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i dont even know how to be here
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
