It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
