so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
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I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
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Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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