Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize