I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
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