Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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