I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
