Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
