you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
