My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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