I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
