Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
her facebook's as public as her vagina
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
