her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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