Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Why are your pants in the freezer?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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