i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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