I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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