There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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