I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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