He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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