he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
