I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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