I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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