She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
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The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
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Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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