I will die if light touches me.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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