I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
The uberlube is also flammable
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
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