Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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