His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize