I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
