it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
