so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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