Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
