Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Randomize
