ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
