If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
