Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
