Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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