He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
