R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
