I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
