Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
