you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
