I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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