I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
