I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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