I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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