like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
