I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
