WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
