Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.