just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
I love us.