She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
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Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
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Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding