Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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