Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.