she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I wish I only lived at night.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.