Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
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He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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