she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
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