there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
