Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
We named our party play list daddy issues
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
